Top Personality Traits That Attract Narcissists
If you have ever found yourself consistently attracting narcissistic partners, you may be wondering what personality traits you possess that are drawing them in. While there is no single answer to this question, of the clients that I’ve worked with, there are definitely some correlated characteristics that narcissists find particularly appealing in a partner.
In this article, I’ll share how narcissistic partners tend to be attracted to compassionate and successful partners who may have dealt with past traumas. We’ll dive into how men in particular tend to look for a mother figure and then exert behaviors of control and fueling insecurities to avoid the fear of loss.
Personality Traits for Narcissistic Relationship Targets
If you find yourself constantly attracting narcissistic partners, it’s important to understand the personality traits that they look for in their targets. Here are some common traits that narcissists are drawn to.
Empathy and Compassion
Narcissists often seek out empathetic and compassionate partners, as they see these traits as signs of weakness that they can exploit. They will use your kindness and concern for others to manipulate you into doing what they want. Consider if you are someone who exhibits people pleasing tendencies or if you get find happiness in making others feel good.
Chances are a narcissist will pick up on these desirable qualities and use your kindness against you. They also like to pick on people pleases because people pleasers struggle to set boundaries and speak up for themselves, making them an easy target.
High Achievement and Success
Narcissists are often attracted to partners who are highly successful and accomplished. They may see your achievements as a reflection of their own success, and will test you to see if they can try to take credit for your accomplishments.
Altruism and Generosity
Narcissists may also be drawn to partners who are generous and giving. They may see your generosity as a way to take advantage of you financially or emotionally. While it’s important to be kind and giving in a relationship, having a dynamic that is focused on what you can receive rather than giving out of the source of your life is a red flag.
What kind of women are narcissists attracted to?
When looking from the perspective of male narcissists, they are often attracted to highly feminine qualities. While having feminine qualities in a relationship is beautiful and extremely important in terms of polarity, there is a big difference between complete submission and being pleasant.
Desire for Validation
Narcissists are attracted to women who have a strong desire for validation. They seek women who are willing to stroke their egos and make them feel important. Women that have low self-esteem and are looking for validation make easy targets for narcissists.
Submissiveness and Agreeableness
Male narcissists are also attracted to women who are submissive and agreeable. They want women who will go along with whatever they say and do, without questioning or challenging them. Women that lack assertiveness are easily manipulated by narcissists.
Conflict Avoidance
Conflict is the game of narcissism. It is the key foundation behind setting up the next scenario to put you down. They want women who will not challenge them or confront them about their behavior. If you prioritize harmony over honesty, chances are you are also willing to overlook red flags in order to maintain the relationship.
Psychological Factors and Vulnerabilities
Low Self-Esteem
One of the primary psychological factors that attract narcissists is low self-esteem. When you are not confident in yourself and your abilities, it can be easy to seek validation and approval from others. Narcissists are skilled at spotting people who lack self-esteem and will often use this to their advantage.
If you find yourself constantly seeking validation from others and struggling with feelings of inadequacy, it is important to work on building up your self-esteem. Whether this is setting personal goals, focusing on your strengths, or seeking support from friends and family.
Past Trauma and Abuse
Individuals who have experienced past trauma and abuse are also more vulnerable to narcissists. This is because trauma can leave lasting emotional scars that make it difficult to trust others and form healthy relationships.
If you have experienced trauma in the past, consider if you have gone through the emotional healing to recognize potential vulnerabilities. Do you live in fear of things in past relationships happening again? Was there any form of aggression that you are seeking to avoid at all cost?
These are important questions to ask yourself if you are finding yourself in another bad relationship.
Need for Affection
Another vulnerability that can attract narcissists is a strong need for affection and love. Narcissists are often skilled at manipulating others into providing them with attention and affection. This is called love bombing. Love bombing is when a narcissist will shower you with love, compliments, and physical affection before seeming like a completely different person just an hour later.
If you find yourself seeking affection from others, it is important to be mindful of your boundaries and to prioritize your own needs. There is a huge difference between being selfish and establishing the ground rules, do not let narcissist muddy the water of that area.
Conclusion: Narcissistic Attraction
I want to assured you that possessing these traits does not necessarily mean that you will attract a narcissist, nor does it mean that you are responsible for their behavior. Narcissistic attraction is a complex phenomenon that involves a multitude of factors, including the narcissist’s own personality and upbringing.
If you find yourself repeatedly attracting narcissists, it may be helpful to seek therapy or counseling to explore underlying issues and learn healthy relationship patterns. Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, and that it is possible to break the cycle of narcissistic attraction.